“The state of becoming-a-mother, or motherhood as a new experience for the individual. This change of roles is both biological and a cultural phenomenon. The transition period varies in length of time from culture to culture.” The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding by Dana Raphael, p.178
In 1973, Dana Raphael recognized the need to emphasize the birthing parent, the one who is going through a huge transition as they welcome a new baby. Coining ideas such as mothering the mother, matrescence. She clearly outlines that mothers need to be cared for, just as much, if not more than their newborns. How our matrescence journey happens directly affects our children, so it makes sense that we uplift new parents and support them.
Why then are we still living in a society that does not uplift new parents, new mothers? This isn’t a new concept, Matrescence has existed for half a century. But I come across parents who have never heard the term. Who have never understood that what they are going through is normal, that their sense of identity and understanding of themselves has completely changed after becoming a mother. I’ve witnessed the “ah-ha” moments that parents have when they realize that there is a name for what they have been managing.
In my apprenticeship time with Jessie Harrold in The Village, I became entrenched in the ebb and flow of matrescence. How our very beings are shifting through grief, liminal spaces, and figuring out who we are on the other side of parenthood. And very much looking at my own journey where I didn’t have the words or understanding of what was happening to me. My mind was such a muddled, liminal space for so long. Becoming a doula was the thing that grounded me, knowing that I could support new parents to help them along their journey and to feel less ebb and more flow.
Nurture & Thrive Parent Circle has given a space where parents can be seen, they can have their struggles and joys witnessed by those going through similar life journeys. And to also build their village with support providers and community resources.
Craft & Connect is a new endeavour to allow parents a space where they can grieve parts of their parenting journey. I don’t know that anyone has had an experience that went exactly as they’d hoped, usually there are curve balls that need to be managed and expectations shifted. There is grief in these spaces. It’s my hope that I can provide parents an outlet. They may be simple crafts, however, it’s my hope that the conversations and putting meaning into art can help ground that grief.
I can’t fix the world and get everyone to add matrescence to their vocabulary and practice. But I can be a soft landing space for the parents who find me and hope that I can support their journey, wherever they are at.